Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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