He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
