respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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