i would punch a child for taco bell
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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