i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
