no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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