hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize