There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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