I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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