Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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