Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
