plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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