oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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