a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
