He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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