I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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