dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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