I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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