I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
