I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
