On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize