I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
