I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
