Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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