Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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