That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
