the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
