guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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