I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
