I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
