This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
