note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
