I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
