every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
