A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
