Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
