The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize