HIV tests are more positive than that guy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Congratulations! We have a period
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
