I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
