we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize