Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
