She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
