Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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