Don't you send me to vm
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize