He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
