I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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