You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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