i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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