so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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