i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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