I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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