Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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