I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
