On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize