First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
