also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
