I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Alive.
So much puke
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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