Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My ass is underappreciated
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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