Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize