My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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