sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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