we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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