My friends, they love my intelligence
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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