The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she peed on how many people?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
