i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My vagina is officially offended.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
