dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
