i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We got so high we made milksteak
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize