I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
