I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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