I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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