i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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