Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize