I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
