You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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