My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
its liver damage thursday
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