I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
