I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
