never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
