Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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