id be glad to
she woke up with a sticky ear
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
