he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
