Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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