you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
