my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
