she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
