I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
