let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
