Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize